What Do I Want To Teach My Children

Lately my  husband and I have been thinking and talking a lot about how we want our children to be raised. We've been discussing what we need to change now, so that we can teach our children through example.

As I've been thinking, I've noticed there is a LOT of stuff I want my children to know, a lot of virtues I want my children to have, a lot of bad stuff I want my children to stay away from. It's pretty overwhelming to think about!

So I thought that over the next couple weeks I'd keep a list of what I want my children to learn; what I want to instill into their hearts; what I want to show through example of my life style.

I have a tendency to mean well and have long term goals, but once the rubber hits the road, I'm so focused on just getting from point A to point B that I forget about that goal I had. I don't want that to transition into how I mother. I want every day to be a learning experience for my children. I don't want to miss an opportunity to show my children Christ's love, either through how I treat them, how I treat strangers, or how they see my husband and I treating each other.

I know I wont be the best mother in the entire world, but I just want to be the best mother God wants and is calling me to be. I want to be able to look at the list I make and refocus on what God has intended for my children to learn and how. I don't want to be buried with life's struggles, or even life's joys. I want to follow Christ in every step I take, every word I say, and I want my children to be behind me seeing Christ in everything.


Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Today We Found Out!

October 10, 2012

This morning, we found out that we are having a baby.

I actually kinda knew before this morning, but didn't because I "tricked" myself in not believing it.So Zech and I talked about it last night. So I said I'd take the test in the morning. I took it and it was positive! I hopped in the shower. I heard Zech come in and shut the door. He paused, then asked "What does two lines mean???" I simply said "Yes".

His response:  "Oh my gosh...I'm going to be a dad."

It was awesome lol I think he is more excited than I am. I think partially because I'm still in doubt. I still think that I'm going to resume normal life any minute now.

But...I gotta believe it someday, right?

I'm so excited that God has decided to bless us with pregnancy. Which leads to children and parenting! It'll be a wild ride, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

4 1/2 weeks down ;)

Happy Mothers Day

Mothers Day - a holiday to set aside the entire day in order to show gratitude and appreciation for those mom's who have invested in your life.

Mother's Day to me is not just my Mom. I've had a handful of woman that God put in my life right when I needed them. They will always have a special place in my heart. I know it's not Mother's Day any more, but here is my "tribute" to those mom's in my life:

Cheri - She was the first one. The first one that I let love me - the first one I loved back. When I met Cheri I had so many walls. At that age (10) I would not have known they were walls and that those walls were not good. But Cheri came into my life and just loved me with what I would call Christ's Love. You know the one I'm talking about, the one that doesn't care if you are weird or crazy or ugly or beautiful, doesn't even care what your personality is like and if it's different than your own: that love that just LOVES and everything about it shined. That was, is, Cheri.

Angie - I will never forget the Bible Studies us girls would have in Angie's apartment. Each Bible Study, day at church camp, even Sunday School, there was Angie with her encouraging words and WISDOM. Man, when I was confused about anything, she always had an answer and she always showed me where in the Bible that she got the answer. Thank you, for investing time in me, each of those "sessions" has helped formed me into who I am today and has definitely helped me persevere in my relationship with the Lord.


Cheryl - I owe my life to Cheryl. Not only because of the days and days and days that I'd stay over and they'd take care of me; but because she took care of me when I felt like I couldn't go home. She fed me and housed me. When I moved, she took care of me from a distance. I still have the stuff she sent me in boxes to fill my house up, and I don't think I can ever get rid of them! Especially my Christmas decor =D Actions speak louder than words; every action she had towards me was enveloped in love and genuine caring-ness towards me.

Miriam - My mother, my sister, my best friend, almost anything! We have a connection that I just can't explain, nor will I try to =D She knows whats wrong before even I do, which is kind of scary, but oh so comforting! She is such an amazing example to me, and reminds me of what God's word calls us to do and what to be like. I don't know what life would be without her! God put her in my life during my high school years and then brought us back together through my current days. He always knows exactly who we need and when.

Angel - My mother in law. I don't even know where to begin with Angel. Seriously. When I'm confused or questioning something, not only does she guide me through the scriptures and always points me to the Lord, but she prays for me. She cares, truly cares. If I'm having a rough time, she wont forget it and the next time we talk she'll ask me how I'm doing. What a great comfort in knowing that someone is praying for me!!

Mommy - My real Mommy (yes I still call her that so HA!!). I haven't had the closest relationship with my Mom, but what I have had I cherish deeply. There is nothing that can break the bond a Mom and Daughter have. Nothing. God has put her in my life to be my mother. I thank Him for that. Otherwise, who knows where I'd be, or even who I'd be for that matter!! My mom has got to be the strongest woman I've ever met, if not the strongest woman alive. And man her biscuits and gravy are BOMB. Seriously: one time I ate so much, I got sick. They are that good. My dream: One day to move to a super small town, open up a diner with my Mommy and serve people: not to give them food, but to have fun and enjoy it.

Looking back through the sections of my life, each one has had someone there for me. God never leaves us alone. He is always there and He provides who we need, exactly when we need. I can only hope that I can be such a woman to someone in my life. Teach them to be strong, loving, humble and always prayerful. The list goes on in qualities that these woman have and what I long to have. The great thing about my God: all I have to do is ask and He will enable me to be those traits.

So to all my Mothers and all the other Mother's: Thank you. Not just for your daily sacrifice, but for your characteristics and love.

Mini Update

Hey World!

How's it going? It's been awhile.

Update?

Oh well, I've been good. Today is a great day.

Zech is an amazing fly killer. Today there was a FAT fly in the office and it was annoying me a LOT. So it flew into an office and I told Zech he couldn't come out until it was dead. So the door shuts and I hear "It's just you and me now, Fly". After a couple sighs of being so close, but missing, I hear *WHAPP* "HAHA! GOTCHA! OWNED!"  It was great.

My husband also got his computer parts in today. I don't think I've seen him this excited since the day he proposed. Seriously. It's the cutest thing in the entire world!

Tonight is our last night of "Normal" Awana (there are two more nights, but one is Derby Racing and the other is Awards, so they don't count). I'm kinda sad. I've had mixed feelings about Awana this year. When I'm not doing it I'm like "Blah" about it. But when I am there, I'm like "THIS IS SO AWESOME! I can make a difference in these girls' lives!!!" It's complicated =D

Another update: We are moving to RIPON! I'm so excited. I cannot stop thinking about it. The Lord has given us a home =D things are falling together so smoothly. We should be in in May sometime. I packed my first box last night.

I'm legitimately scared for my belongings. They seem so much more fragile when they are only protected by newspaper (or magazine papers in my case) and stacked on top of other breakables. Not to mention the actual moving part: where the box will be MOVED from one place, to a vehicle, to another place. EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

But- I just gotta let it go. Calm down. They are only POSSESSIONS. I'm so materialistic. I think if one of the items in my first box breaks: I will in fact cry. Seriously.

Oh Lord, help me to focus on you and not things. You have blessed me with those things, but they are not mine. I am merely borrowing them.

We are going to be visiting Kansas in June. I'm way excited. We are going to be gone for 7 days total. But the first half will be in Wichita/Valley Center. The other half me and my hubby will be taking a vacation. Just me and him in Kansas City. Way excited. We totally need the breather. Especially considering next fall is probably going to be even more busy and stressful as this one has been. But a mini recharge we shall have!

Thanks for sticking around and hearing my ramblings! Have a wonderful month of April!!!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dads birthday. I had a dream about him last night, so it felt like I got to see him today.

Here is my "tribute" to my daddy!

Somewhere on our trip to and from Michigan.

In the hospital when lil Aj was born.

My sissy's wedding!

My wedding, the most recent picture I have.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Love you, Daddy!

Lesson Learned

What Lesson is learned? Pontiac's catch fire, Saturn's save lives.

Yesterday my second car was totaled. My first car, my Pontiac caught fire about 2 years ago and that was totaled. I'm seeing a pattern....I don't like it much.

Here's what happened.

If you are familiar with Modesto, this will make more sense, if you aren't, I will be specific.

So I was on my way to Ripon to join Zechariah at his football game. It was 9 am, so still pretty early for a Saturday. I was going about 45 mph down Keirnan. Rigth past Sisk (going west, towards the highway) there is a Kiernan court. It merges with Keirnan Avenue. Keirnan is a divided street, 2 lanes for each direction. Keirnan court merges going west, but there is a stop sign where they must STOP first, Keirnan is a pretty busy street sometimes. So I had just passed Sisk road and there was a van on Keirnan court going about the same speed, maybe faster but I've never been very good at judging speeds. She was going way too fast to be able to stop.

I was in the lane closest to her, seeing that she wasn't going to stop and was headed towards me, I swerved to the lane over. I was going too fast too be able to stop and didn't think to speed up. She hit me from the side (passenger, thank the Lord!). From there all I saw was white stuff and glass flying everywhere. Once I stopped there was a guy pulled over yelling for people to stop her, "It's her fault! She's under the influence!" That made sense....because before she hit me, I looked at her and there was nothing on her face recognizing that she was not driving safely.

Everyone who was there was so kind! I honestly didn't think there were that many nice people in Modesto, not like that. Sure they'd "care" from the side of the street, but these people were nice. Making sure I was ok, one gave me some gloves so I could climb out of the car without getting more cuts on my hands. One guy shook my coat out. Two Lowe's workers came and called 911 and let me borrow their phone because I couldn't find mine.

This is what my car looked like:

I was in the ambulance at this time. See the medium next to my car? I was on the other side of that, going the opposite way. See how low my car is to the ground? Thats not an easy curb (two in this case) to jump. Apparently I was in the air and nearly flipped over.You can't see if from here, but in the passenger door there is a huge heavy metal bar in the middle of the door going horizontally. If anyone was in the passenger seat, they wouldn't have died, but would have been seriously injured, but if that bar wasn't there, I probably would have been more hurt. Or rather...hurt. I got out with one bruise,  4 little cuts on my hands and another on my face. Thats not hurt.

Back to the "story". They caught the girl that ran from the scene. She made it all the way across the street. (not that far lol). Apparently she was "H&S". Which, I looked up, stands for "Health and Safety". AKA: Illegal Narcotics.

So anyways, rewinding and going to the beginning. I was shaking, and my leg kinda hurt, like I slammed it against of the inside of my car. Once I got out of the car I told someone I needed to find my phone so I can get a hold of my husband. I couldn't find it so I borrowed a phone. Unfortunately I only knew my husbands phone number. And when he plays football, he keeps his phone in his car. So I tried anyways. He didn't answer. Then a guy came up to me and said he was a fireman. He was off duty. He had me sit down. He asked me if I was ok and checked out my neck and back making sure it was straight and stuff. He said that when the EMT's got here they would put me on a gurney and ask if they could take me to the hospital. He said that I should go with him, I just shook my head. Once they did get there, they asked the same questions. The girl asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I told her that I felt ok but if they thought I should go, I would go. It was no time for me to be stubborn, though I am never stubborn (.......). She lead me to the ambulance to check my vitals.

I told them that I needed to find my phone because I needed to tell my husband. They said they'd look for it. a few minutes later they brought me my phone. I called Matt. He didn't answer. As I was trying to type in Angel's name, she called me back. I kept it pretty simple, didn't want to give too much away, because I didn't want to freak anyone out. I just told her that I needed her to do me a favor and go get Zech because I was in an accident. She was instantly in business mode, and man I love her for that! She asked what she needed to do. I told her to just get Zech. She told me to not let anyone leave and stay there. I let her know that wouldn't be a problem (considering everyone was already there, except for my family lol). Matt calls me a little bit later and asks if I'm ok. I said I was fine. I told him where I was. He got there first. He's not as good at hiding emotion on his face. Sure he was calm on the outside, but his face showed that he was scared. Zech called me right after Matt got there. I told him I was fine and also where I was. He got there right when I was hopping out of the ambulance. He looked scared too =/.

I got all the info from the CHP officer about what to do with the insurance and gave my statement. This is where I am like my dad, a lot. In time of crisis, do what you need to do, natural instinct kicks in, get it finished. I was detailed and said as many details as I remembered. Then it was over. The tow truck was already there, Matt got all of my stuff out of my car, the lady was taken away already. Then I let my "hold it together mode" down and just cried. I can't believe I was just in an ACCIDENT! It's always just a thing you think about. Driving down the street, thinking "Hmm, what if someone just ran this light and hit me?" It's always a scary thought and I never knew what I would do. I still don't know what I would have done if all those people didn't help me out.

On our way to the cars I told them what happened. I don't think I've ever appreciated my new family as much as I did that moment. They came for me when I needed. I have no words for my gratitude.

Another question people have asked me: She had insurance (as far as i could tell from the EMT's chatting) so I wont need to worry about it. I'm going to try to go to the doctor tomorrow, because I am SOREEEE. Who knew something like this could be so painful the next day! The inside of my throat hurts, I must have been REALLY tense!

All in All: God was definitely protecting me. It's so easy to say "You don't know how long you have", not so easy to live that way, because when those moments come....it is still shocking and kinda...puts you in your place. Makes you enjoy every second with people you love. Makes you stop and think "If I died right this moment, would I be able to say to God that I was living my life for Him?"

Giving my statement and looking at the weird thing on my finger...

Once upon a time, there was a passenger seat right there. It was completely folded in.

 This is the lady getting in the police car. I would like to ask that you pray for her. To be that 'gone' that early in the morning...well it makes you think about what kind of life she lived. It makes me wonder what she was doing 10 mins before the accident. Where she came from, there are no houses. Just a couple business and a church. Its not a through street. I wonder if she has good people in her life, Christians. I really wish I had gone and told her that I was upset with her and that I would be praying for her and the next couple days she'd be facing.

 

My car from the other side and her van. By my wheel in the medium is my sunroof. it simple popped out. Didn't shatter down in the car, the tire is the first thing I saw when the dust settled. No window, makes it easy to climb out of. good thing I'm small =D

Merry Christmas!

A Merry Christmas to you all! A couple days late....sorry....

I hope this Christmas you really got to enjoy the time with family and friends. (and days off work if you were blessed in that way =D)


This year is my third year spending Christmas away from my family. Luckily...I wasn't NEARLY as sad about it as I was on Thanksgiving. But man do I miss them!

I did get to see them though!!! My dad has some new toys and after a lot of persuasion he finally started to play around with his webcam on his laptop. So thanks to Google Hangouts via Google+, I got to see him and my sister along with my nephew, mom, aunt and uncle! (FYI....that many people is a little too much to understand whats going on via webcam!!!) It was a lot of fun being able to see them and not just imagine their voices through typed words or imagine their facial expressions through a phone line voice.

For Zech's family we had their annual Christmas Eve party (though...it didn't happen last year, so this was my first experience at it =D). I just want you all to know...it's so much fun spoiling people and watching other people be spoiled by family that loves them! (and being spoiled of course, but that's not what Christmas is about......) We all had so much fun hanging out together. It truly is a blessing to have such a big family that loves everyone so much!

Of course I was having way too much fun hanging out with Mirm and then rushing around getting ready for the party to remember to even think about NOT forgetting my camera. (Aka...I forgot my camera and have no pics to show of our fun).

Life

This past weekend was pretty scary. First, let me explain to you my family tree.

I have the Hadsell side. Lives in Kansas, my dad, sister, nephew, mom, aunt, uncle, grandpa and "Margret". Then I have the Keenan's. The side I married into, all in California. Then I have the Parks. Lived in both Kansas and California. There is a bound between that family that I cannot explain. I have four brothers, William, Justin, Ethan and Jack.

I have never had anything "major" happen within my family, that I remember fully being "major". When I was younger my Dad was diagnosed with Hepatitis C (none curable, but God healed him! a post for another time maybe?). That happened when I was little enough to know that Dad wasn't going to "get better", but no more than that really. Not the anxious...indescribable feeling that happens when you fully know and are old enough to comprehend.


This past Friday, December 9, 2011 I will never forget. Miriam had text me "Please Pray! We're at the hospital with Jack. They're checking for a possible brain tumor". My world spun a little. Tears came to my eyes. Less than 5 minutes later I had pushed it out already. (I do this funny (not humorously so) thing when serious things happen. I can 'shut off' and ignore it. If I'm doing something wrong and I hear God's voice edging me the other way, I turn it off. It's really horrible and I've gotten so much better and leaving it on!). But then Miriam text me what had happened that lead up to the initial text. Reality set in.


I couldn't focus on my work, I didn't want to work. I wanted to do something! I needed to be with Miriam, I needed to be with the other boys, I needed to fix it! But....we all know we can't fix things like this, what a fool I am to think I could even try.

This is most likely the most choppy and none-well-thought-of post ever. But...I don't care. When things like this happen, you realize that there is so much more to life than the stupid things, like forming a well constructed blog post hours in advance! Or making sure that I get home early enough during the day so that I can get as much sleep as possible, or play video games before I go to bed. I am so amazingly (not in the good way) selfish! It's so DISGUSTING and repulsive! I'm scrunching up my nose now, just thinking about it!

UGH!

So, back to Jack, and away from my selfishness...Long story short. They don't know whats wrong. MRI's, CAT scans and blood work has all come back clean. Please be praying that whatever it is, that everyone (including Tim and Miriam, Jack, William, Justin, Ethan, Me, family members, church members, spectators) will see God's glory! We know God is in control. God is completely Sovereign and Powerful! He has it in control and He knows what everyone will be gaining through this experience.

Jack and his MUSCLES and Scorpion tat!

Always so happy! Love this guy!

 

Mom and Son

Jack in the hospital getting ready for the millions of tests. He has such a good attitude about it! If I was him, i would be screaming to get me outta there!

My Prayer for Jack

Lord be with him through this trial. Be with his mom and dad as this is a very hard thing to endure. I know you won't dish out more than they can handle...but it's still scary. Through this, You will be glorified and I hope for those around this family, they will see that and come to know You or grow closer to You.

Orbit - Sweet Mint

Funny how small things remind you of something from way back when and memories just flood in.

That moment just happened to me. I bought a package of Orbit gum - sweet mint flavor, because that's where its at. As soon as I unwrapped that package the smell drifted out of it and BAM.

Memories.

Memories of Bethany, my very much so missed best friend. I think about how weird and crazy and hyper we were back in high school. Then I think about her. She's in Texas. I'm in California. Both so far away from our home in Kansas. She's going to Thailand next summer! I'm so very proud of her and where she is in her life right now. So totally sold out for the Lord.

Memories of choir class and always hiding chewing gum while singing, which is a no-no. Then Mr. McCormick catches us, nearly every single stinkin time (he's good...he's very good...). Ahh Choir class, so many fun years of my life.

Memories of always secretly asking for gum from other people. Why? Because...you know Finding Nemo? And all those "Mine" birds (seagulls, right?). That's how Valley Center High people were. "Gum", "Gum"...in an instant the entire pack of 14 pieces is down to zero. Oh how something so small was so greatly sought after. It's only gum =D

These memories make me think of something my daddy said to me yesterday via text. This conversation started when I saw someone at church with the very shirt my dad had. It was one of his very first Christian T-Shirts. It made me miss him dearly, and I told him as such. His response was from his heart (this doesn't happen very often):

Well we miss you too. For everyone that said they gained, everyone of us from Wichita said to ourselves silently, we lost.

 This  comment still brings tears to my eyes. Sure, I've gained such an amazing new family, a HUSBAND! a place to call my home. But yes...there is a huge huge part of me that has lost. I have lost familiarity of my home. This is my home now, but there is something about the place you were raised, especially if everyone you grew up with and your family is still there. As much as I miss my home...If I ever moved Zech to Kansas...well...

I'd be inflicting that same "lost" feeling. It takes a lot to feel at home again. It took me a long time and was one of the most painful life experiences I've been through (read about it here). I cannot do that to my husband. I would also be inflicting pain upon his family, the sadness my dad feels right now would be theirs. I cannot do that to them. So here I am, torn between my "new" life, and my old life where my family is.

I have "joked" about getting all my family to move out here, and that all I would have to do is get my nephew out here and they would all follow. I am serious. I want them hear so bad, because I know I cannot go to them. I am torn once again. I would then be asking my own family to just move all the way over here. Without jobs, without homes, without...purpose other than to satisfy my own need. How selfish is that?!

Sigh. I'm torn in many many ways. Ultimately all I can, and will do, is pray. If God leading either us or them to each other, AMAZING! GREAT! But there is no sense in waiting and waiting. God is the one in control of my life. He know where I will be in a month, year and 10 years from now. I have nothing to worry about. If far away we shall be, then something amazing is going to come from that, for all parties involved.

Family

Found the coolest website ever...

Its called "Wordle". ( http://www.wordle.net/create )

You put in words and then it creates crazy combos of them. Such as the below pic. I just listed everyone in the Keenan family. It's pretty fun.



Just for a future note, you can do the same in Picnik. BUT...its not as easy. You have complete control of each and every word. Its better if you are picky like me and want everything just right =D. I'll work on my "Family" picture later today most likely and you can see the difference.

All Growed Up?

Looking back to what life used to be for me is exhausting. There are so many aspects to life. How anyone tries to sum it up, I don't know.

Its been just over a year since I've moved. Reality settles in. Kansas is no longer my home nor is it the place my heart longs to be anymore. I am glad for this change, and also very sad. I wish many of my family and friends could come here with me. I am so used to them being apart of my daily life. They always knew what was going on and were involved in my life. Now those relationships are long distance. That term is no longer just a distance for me, it stands for a summed up life. I no longer share a common knowledge of my life with anyone from home. Its always just a worded explanation, which never full grasps what is really going on. I cannot explain a person and who they are in the personality or their characteristics, its all just generalized bits and pieces. It's sometimes heart breaking that I don't share my life with my dad, my nephew, my best friends. But when I stop focusing on what could be and focus on what is, my heart is lifted.

I have never felt more joy in my life. This past year I have grown so close to God, so much more than I ever imagined. I know with the years to come that relationship I have with Him will increase even more so. In ways I find a complete peace knowing that I will never fully know God, it gives me something to aim for, to get as close as I can get but know that I will always be learning and growing.

I would have never imagined I would be getting married. Maybe in a couple years, with a minimum of 3! Many from home think its too soon and that I'm making a bad decision. The thing I love, God's timing is so much more different than our own. If God told me to marry Zechariah within two days of meeting him, you bet I would have! There are so many aspects to a relationship. Another one of those things you cannot sum up with words. Slowly I am seeing what it really means to be joined, two become one. I am seeing that I am better when I have Zech, whether it be that I've talked to him on the phone or seen him. I feel more on track, more myself. I know now what Genesis means when it said Adam was not complete.

As the days pass, and as the months fly by with the years following, I rest in the promise the God will always be there. He will be the source of all the joy, He will be the comforter in all sadness and heartaches, He will be the one to carry us along the way. I am anxious to see what it will be, but am anxious for time to slow so I may enjoy the times now.