Orbit - Sweet Mint

Funny how small things remind you of something from way back when and memories just flood in.

That moment just happened to me. I bought a package of Orbit gum - sweet mint flavor, because that's where its at. As soon as I unwrapped that package the smell drifted out of it and BAM.

Memories.

Memories of Bethany, my very much so missed best friend. I think about how weird and crazy and hyper we were back in high school. Then I think about her. She's in Texas. I'm in California. Both so far away from our home in Kansas. She's going to Thailand next summer! I'm so very proud of her and where she is in her life right now. So totally sold out for the Lord.

Memories of choir class and always hiding chewing gum while singing, which is a no-no. Then Mr. McCormick catches us, nearly every single stinkin time (he's good...he's very good...). Ahh Choir class, so many fun years of my life.

Memories of always secretly asking for gum from other people. Why? Because...you know Finding Nemo? And all those "Mine" birds (seagulls, right?). That's how Valley Center High people were. "Gum", "Gum"...in an instant the entire pack of 14 pieces is down to zero. Oh how something so small was so greatly sought after. It's only gum =D

These memories make me think of something my daddy said to me yesterday via text. This conversation started when I saw someone at church with the very shirt my dad had. It was one of his very first Christian T-Shirts. It made me miss him dearly, and I told him as such. His response was from his heart (this doesn't happen very often):

Well we miss you too. For everyone that said they gained, everyone of us from Wichita said to ourselves silently, we lost.

 This  comment still brings tears to my eyes. Sure, I've gained such an amazing new family, a HUSBAND! a place to call my home. But yes...there is a huge huge part of me that has lost. I have lost familiarity of my home. This is my home now, but there is something about the place you were raised, especially if everyone you grew up with and your family is still there. As much as I miss my home...If I ever moved Zech to Kansas...well...

I'd be inflicting that same "lost" feeling. It takes a lot to feel at home again. It took me a long time and was one of the most painful life experiences I've been through (read about it here). I cannot do that to my husband. I would also be inflicting pain upon his family, the sadness my dad feels right now would be theirs. I cannot do that to them. So here I am, torn between my "new" life, and my old life where my family is.

I have "joked" about getting all my family to move out here, and that all I would have to do is get my nephew out here and they would all follow. I am serious. I want them hear so bad, because I know I cannot go to them. I am torn once again. I would then be asking my own family to just move all the way over here. Without jobs, without homes, without...purpose other than to satisfy my own need. How selfish is that?!

Sigh. I'm torn in many many ways. Ultimately all I can, and will do, is pray. If God leading either us or them to each other, AMAZING! GREAT! But there is no sense in waiting and waiting. God is the one in control of my life. He know where I will be in a month, year and 10 years from now. I have nothing to worry about. If far away we shall be, then something amazing is going to come from that, for all parties involved.