Apparently when I go absent for awhile, I go post crazy to make up for it.
I was listening to the radio (Air1) the other day. One of the DJ's was asking by her mother in law if she knew 3 couples that she could say "I want my marriage to be like theirs".
Her answer was no. Then they had callers call in. I wasn't able to listen to the full segment, but all of the callers that I heard always said no. There was maybe 1 couple, but never three. One had even stated that she had 1 that she looked up to, but then a couple months ago they got a divorce.
This got me thinking. Is there really that many people out there who didn't have good marriage examples? From a secular and worldly view, yes I completely understand that. But this was a Christian radio station, where Christians were the ones calling in!
Then I thought "Can I name 3 couples that I'd want to base my marriage off of?" At first I was like Of course I can! But the more I thought about it, I wasn't so sure. There are plenty of married couples in my church that have been married for a long time and from my view, they have a wonderful marriage. But if I'm aiming to look up to them as an example, I need to have seen them in a one-on-one way, not just acquaintances at church. So that quickly through out a bunch on my list. (I did eventually come up with 3 couples).
So...what makes a couple "role-model" worthy? For me, multiple things. A few key points:
1. Does each spouse make their other spouse more important them him/her? Getting over ones self is hard but, at the core, a characteristic of true love.
2. Do they argue like high schoolers? There is nothing more disheartening (in my opinon) than to see two people going back and forth like children, not even arguing about what the issue started off as. Sadly, this is too easy to do. Luckily for Zech and I, we are still newly married enough to laugh it off and get back to the real problem. But too many times have I seen people not be able to swallow their pride, just enough to work something out.
3. Do they communicate their problems more with each other than with you? Asking for advice in a certain situation is ok, but when a friend comes to me and complains about what their are mad about and what annoys them about their significant other...well, I think it breeds a small dose of resentment.
4. Is God number one in both their lives, and not just his life and her life? As a couple I feel it's important to be a team and be "one" with each other. Especially with their relationship with God. There is nothing specific I can list as an example, but there is something you see, something supernatural that you see between a husband and wife that serve God together, not just individually.
Browsing the web, there are too many lists on "50 things to make your husband happy", "10 things to make your marriage work". Not to say that those lists are wrong, most of them have good ideas. But if we, as a nation, are using them as a foundation for marriage...well then we are bound to fail.
**This post is not for me to tell you how to run your marriage or what you need. It's merely what my opinion is on the matter and what I personally look for.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, January 18, 2013
Death
I've been pretty absent recently. Sorry about that!
The last week or so, there has been a lot of death around here. The greatest thing about it: Those I know who've passed, have gone to see the Lord. What a great peace.
But somehow, for me, it doesn't make it any easier. I always have the same questions:
How do some deal with death, especially those who are not believers? How do you help those who've lost a non-believer grieve. How do you help those who've lost a believer grieve the physical loss and resume life without them?
I do have some answers for those, and generally it's safe to say its different for each person. Ultimately there will be no one answer and just something that you have to learn and respond as the Holy Spirit guides.
I read an article the other day on NPR. It was about an atheist whose husband had passed. This line was written:
Here is a link to that particular article if you want to read it: http://www.npr.org/2013/01/16/168563480/after-tragedy-nonbelievers-find-other-ways-to-cope
Nearly a year ago I was faced with a situation that made me realize that life is so easy to lose. You could die of anything at any second. I hear the phrase "tomorrow is never guaranteed". I always think to myself "5 minutes from now isn't guaranteed!"
I had a wake up call. I knew that's what it was. But for a week or so I had no idea what it was. Then one Sunday a guy named Mike came up to me at church. (This guy is awesome, he reminds me a lot of my dad!) Mike said to me "God has plans for you".
And that was all I needed to hear. God can so easily take me home. But He hasn't. So what is His plan for me? I don't know, but I know there is one. Every day of my life is part of that "plan" and I made a pledge to make sure I listen to the Lord and live out His plan, not my own.
Sorry for all the ramblings and jumping from topic to topic, I hope it wasn't too unbearable =D
The last week or so, there has been a lot of death around here. The greatest thing about it: Those I know who've passed, have gone to see the Lord. What a great peace.
But somehow, for me, it doesn't make it any easier. I always have the same questions:
How do some deal with death, especially those who are not believers? How do you help those who've lost a non-believer grieve. How do you help those who've lost a believer grieve the physical loss and resume life without them?
I do have some answers for those, and generally it's safe to say its different for each person. Ultimately there will be no one answer and just something that you have to learn and respond as the Holy Spirit guides.
I read an article the other day on NPR. It was about an atheist whose husband had passed. This line was written:
"I was searching frantically for anything that would help me get through this," Fiore recalls. "But everything I found had to do with God: putting your faith in God, believing that God had some sort of plan. I found nothing to help me."After that I was thinking to myself that she turned to God and He got her through this....but that was not the case. She is now writing grief books for atheists. Ultimately I know there will be no comfort for those who do not turn to the Lord in times such as those.
Here is a link to that particular article if you want to read it: http://www.npr.org/2013/01/16/168563480/after-tragedy-nonbelievers-find-other-ways-to-cope
Nearly a year ago I was faced with a situation that made me realize that life is so easy to lose. You could die of anything at any second. I hear the phrase "tomorrow is never guaranteed". I always think to myself "5 minutes from now isn't guaranteed!"
I had a wake up call. I knew that's what it was. But for a week or so I had no idea what it was. Then one Sunday a guy named Mike came up to me at church. (This guy is awesome, he reminds me a lot of my dad!) Mike said to me "God has plans for you".
And that was all I needed to hear. God can so easily take me home. But He hasn't. So what is His plan for me? I don't know, but I know there is one. Every day of my life is part of that "plan" and I made a pledge to make sure I listen to the Lord and live out His plan, not my own.
Sorry for all the ramblings and jumping from topic to topic, I hope it wasn't too unbearable =D
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
A New Phase
I am writing this knowing it may be months before anyone actually reads it.
July 2, 2012
For the past month or so I've really been feeling weighty, my heart has. All my marriage (the whole year and a half) has been "We'll start having kids about 2 years into it". Well, it's almost been 2 years! I have had thoughts of "We wont be able to start for another whole year!" I was very sad about this thought.
Many times I'd ask my husband, "Can we start a family now?" "Can we have a baby?". The answer was always no. Thankfully too, because I knew in my heart we just were not ready (Mainly because we lived in a one room apartment and we could barely fit in there ourselves, let alone a baby).
This last month I really felt the Lord weighing the idea on my heart. So I asked Zech to pray and think about if we could start planning for a family now. My thinking was that we didn't want a baby while Zech was in school or while we didn't have a place to live. Well we have a place to live and Zech graduates in 5 months.
Well on Saturday he asked me if I'd like to start a family. I was very...guarded at that moment. I didn't want to get my hopes up by what he meant, so I probed and prodded. He couldn't be serious. He was just thinking out loud. He didn't mean now, he meant in the next months to come.
I started to cry.
He was serious!
He prayed about it and knows that God will take care of us.
I'm about to start crying now!
The very night before, I laid in bed thinking "God, are we never going to have children? I always wanted to start having kids while I was fairly young. Can it be Your plan to let us have children? Sigh. I'm just so bummed. Please speak to Zech's heart and tell him which direction to go, because I do not trust my own thinking in this area". (impatient much, Amanda?)
God answered my prayer. I sometimes wonder why. I always think "negatively" and know that I am not worthy of getting anything I ever want. But God still gives it to me! Why? God is so amazing. All I have to offer in return is my life. I am going to give it all to Him. A very small token of "Thank You"
So stick around, hopefully this blog will be filled with my thoughts and experiences through this next phase of life.
Sometimes I think about people who have babies. I think "Well if they can do it, it must be fine and simple". I know that it's not. It's going to be hard. Everything about our current life is going to change. I do not adapt well to change, but I'm very very excited for this one.
Friday, September 21, 2012
3 years
Another anniversary is here.
3 years ago I moved to California from my comfortable home in Kansas.
As I look at the post I wrote 3 years ago, I think about where I was at the time I wrote that piece. What I was feeling, what I was thinking, even what mood I was in at the time. I briefly explain it in the post, but sometimes words can never be enough.
If you don't know my situation, then you have no idea what those feelings were even related to. All you know is words.
Many of my friends know I'm semi open about my past, as long as you ask me. But, I think it's about time that I log those past experiences in the one place that I'm supposed to: My Blog. (that's what blogs are for right? Its best I get on track here!)
Trying to explain history is really hard without going all the way to the beginning, but I am going to try! Maybe one day it will all be up here and the pieces will fit better.
4 1/2 years ago I graduated high school. My best friend and youth pastor (Tim and Miriam Park) moved away right after I graduated, I went from school to adult life and having a regular, full time job within about 2 days, and needless to say: I fell away from God.
I guess I should explain better: I already distanced myself from God in the previous years. But that summer was my official "cutting ties" era. I knew I was doing it, I didn't care, and I was miserable.
Well anyways, that summer all my friends were still in school/summer mode (Sleeping in until noon, seeing super late movies, etc) while Adult Amanda had to be in bed by 9 or else wouldn't be functional at work. So I began searching for friends in other places. Mainly a chat site called Mocospace.
There I chatted with multiple people about daily concerns, likes and dislikes, opinions on movies, blah blah. There was one guy I met on there named Brandt. He was so funny, whitty and charming. After the 3rd time talking to him, I remember thinking "Man, I really like this guy! What if he's the one?!".
Boy was I wrong.
One thing lead to another, and we met up at Starbucks one day. It was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. I sat in my car for 15 minutes watching him wait for me before I got the courage to actually get out and meet him!
Now let me pause in this story to mention a part of home life that I didn't mention before: At this time my dad and I's relationship was not....good. I was always mad at him, he was always mad at me, we bucked heads. It was so hard trying to be a responsible adult and then still having to be home at a certain time or not be able to go hang out with someone one day (you know...typical teenage issues lol)
So of course he knew nothing about this guy, and didn't until the next May.
So as you can probably guess, Brandt and I started dating. As time went by things got more serious.
By that next May I decided I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to move out and be my own person. I tried to get a room with a friend from high school, but it just didn't work out. Brandt suggested one day that I move in with him because he was going to kick out his roommate. So I agreed. I was excited and clearly had no idea what all that entails. For real. That's an understatement.
So my dad met Brandt one day, then the next week I told him I was moving out. I was hoping he wouldn't ask with who....but he did. It was the hardest conversation I've ever had.
You know when you know you are not doing the right thing, but you are too stubborn to turn back now and you need to have some form of change so you convince your self that this option is worth it? Yeah...it wasn't worth it.
I moved in with Brandt at the beginning of June 2009. It was fine at first. Then God just wore down on my heart. So much that I didn't know what was wrong. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. No form of physical comfort helped.
Then one day, Tim Park called my dad's home phone number. Apparently he tried to call my cell phone and it didn't work (so God). Then my sister text me saying that Dad talked to Tim and told him I moved out. I was crushed. My youth pastor knew that I was living with my boyfriend! (We all know what comes with living with boyfriends/girlfriends).
So I called him back. I had to know why he even called!
They wanted me to come out to California and babysit for them. It was their 10 year anniversary and wanted someone who knew the boys to babysit them for a week or so. Their form of payment was my plane ticket.
I went. I don't know why, I knew what was waiting for me the second I was in their presence alone. But, I did go.
It was the longest 10 days of my life. It was so refreshing in California, but my heart was so heavy. I was a horrible babysitter. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to have fun, and I wasn't fun to be around.
Then it came. The day I spoke to Tim and Mirm about what was going on. They laid it on thick. They didn't let up, and my goodness it was so refreshing. To hear someone tell me that I'm being stupid and that I'm pretty much slapping God in the face: it was freeing. I know this sounds so ridiculous. But when your heart is heavy and you are miserable and you know somethings majorly wrong, its nice to actually hear what it is.
During the 10 days I was in California, talks about having me move out happened frequently. I even met with the Jamisons who happened to be fixing up a room to rent out on their property.
Of course I never dreamed it'd happen. Mainly because...no one goes anywhere in Kansas. Definitely a "born and raised" state.
Well clearly, it did happen. I think it took me a whole 5 days to come to the official decision once I was back in Kansas. I broke up with Brandt, I moved out and in with the Williams family. I put in my "3 weeks" at Fidelity, and things were in motion.
The most important part of this story: God used so many things during the month of August to break me down and turn me back to Him. There was nothing clearer than Him saying "This is where I am putting you". Feeling God, knowing that He didn't give up on me, I can't even express how that feels. AMAZING.
If you don't believe in God, I hope that through this blog I can show you that He exists and loves you.
Through this blog, I hope I can use my personal life experiences to show Jesus Christ's love.
Through this blog, I hope you can find encouragement, through any of life's circumstances.
3 years ago I moved to California from my comfortable home in Kansas.
As I look at the post I wrote 3 years ago, I think about where I was at the time I wrote that piece. What I was feeling, what I was thinking, even what mood I was in at the time. I briefly explain it in the post, but sometimes words can never be enough.
If you don't know my situation, then you have no idea what those feelings were even related to. All you know is words.
Many of my friends know I'm semi open about my past, as long as you ask me. But, I think it's about time that I log those past experiences in the one place that I'm supposed to: My Blog. (that's what blogs are for right? Its best I get on track here!)
Trying to explain history is really hard without going all the way to the beginning, but I am going to try! Maybe one day it will all be up here and the pieces will fit better.
4 1/2 years ago I graduated high school. My best friend and youth pastor (Tim and Miriam Park) moved away right after I graduated, I went from school to adult life and having a regular, full time job within about 2 days, and needless to say: I fell away from God.
I guess I should explain better: I already distanced myself from God in the previous years. But that summer was my official "cutting ties" era. I knew I was doing it, I didn't care, and I was miserable.
Well anyways, that summer all my friends were still in school/summer mode (Sleeping in until noon, seeing super late movies, etc) while Adult Amanda had to be in bed by 9 or else wouldn't be functional at work. So I began searching for friends in other places. Mainly a chat site called Mocospace.
There I chatted with multiple people about daily concerns, likes and dislikes, opinions on movies, blah blah. There was one guy I met on there named Brandt. He was so funny, whitty and charming. After the 3rd time talking to him, I remember thinking "Man, I really like this guy! What if he's the one?!".
Boy was I wrong.
One thing lead to another, and we met up at Starbucks one day. It was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. I sat in my car for 15 minutes watching him wait for me before I got the courage to actually get out and meet him!
Now let me pause in this story to mention a part of home life that I didn't mention before: At this time my dad and I's relationship was not....good. I was always mad at him, he was always mad at me, we bucked heads. It was so hard trying to be a responsible adult and then still having to be home at a certain time or not be able to go hang out with someone one day (you know...typical teenage issues lol)
So of course he knew nothing about this guy, and didn't until the next May.
So as you can probably guess, Brandt and I started dating. As time went by things got more serious.
By that next May I decided I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to move out and be my own person. I tried to get a room with a friend from high school, but it just didn't work out. Brandt suggested one day that I move in with him because he was going to kick out his roommate. So I agreed. I was excited and clearly had no idea what all that entails. For real. That's an understatement.
So my dad met Brandt one day, then the next week I told him I was moving out. I was hoping he wouldn't ask with who....but he did. It was the hardest conversation I've ever had.
You know when you know you are not doing the right thing, but you are too stubborn to turn back now and you need to have some form of change so you convince your self that this option is worth it? Yeah...it wasn't worth it.
I moved in with Brandt at the beginning of June 2009. It was fine at first. Then God just wore down on my heart. So much that I didn't know what was wrong. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. No form of physical comfort helped.
Then one day, Tim Park called my dad's home phone number. Apparently he tried to call my cell phone and it didn't work (so God). Then my sister text me saying that Dad talked to Tim and told him I moved out. I was crushed. My youth pastor knew that I was living with my boyfriend! (We all know what comes with living with boyfriends/girlfriends).
So I called him back. I had to know why he even called!
They wanted me to come out to California and babysit for them. It was their 10 year anniversary and wanted someone who knew the boys to babysit them for a week or so. Their form of payment was my plane ticket.
I went. I don't know why, I knew what was waiting for me the second I was in their presence alone. But, I did go.
It was the longest 10 days of my life. It was so refreshing in California, but my heart was so heavy. I was a horrible babysitter. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to have fun, and I wasn't fun to be around.
Then it came. The day I spoke to Tim and Mirm about what was going on. They laid it on thick. They didn't let up, and my goodness it was so refreshing. To hear someone tell me that I'm being stupid and that I'm pretty much slapping God in the face: it was freeing. I know this sounds so ridiculous. But when your heart is heavy and you are miserable and you know somethings majorly wrong, its nice to actually hear what it is.
During the 10 days I was in California, talks about having me move out happened frequently. I even met with the Jamisons who happened to be fixing up a room to rent out on their property.
Of course I never dreamed it'd happen. Mainly because...no one goes anywhere in Kansas. Definitely a "born and raised" state.
Well clearly, it did happen. I think it took me a whole 5 days to come to the official decision once I was back in Kansas. I broke up with Brandt, I moved out and in with the Williams family. I put in my "3 weeks" at Fidelity, and things were in motion.
The most important part of this story: God used so many things during the month of August to break me down and turn me back to Him. There was nothing clearer than Him saying "This is where I am putting you". Feeling God, knowing that He didn't give up on me, I can't even express how that feels. AMAZING.
If you don't believe in God, I hope that through this blog I can show you that He exists and loves you.
Through this blog, I hope I can use my personal life experiences to show Jesus Christ's love.
Through this blog, I hope you can find encouragement, through any of life's circumstances.
Monday, August 27, 2012
New "Year"
This time of year always seems like the start of the new "year". Ever since I was little. I blame it on my public schooling. Every August we started school, therefore everything changes! More-so than the regular New Year.
Even now as an adult, this time of year has that New Start feeling. I almost feel like I should come up with a New Year Resolution! Ok...so maybe I kinda did!
Not on purpose of course, if I did it on purpose I'd never actually attain that goal. But my "year" goal, will only be until December.
My sweet, amazing, hard-working husband graduates this fall! I'm beyond excited. I'm not excited about the journey (yeah...lets all be honest here, sometimes we all would like to just skip right over the hard work). He just started a new 3-month job, where he'll be working in Stockton Monday and Wednesdays. He is taking over a full load at school and will be in Turlock every Tuesday and Thursday (from 8-5 ... in school). I'm just glad I do get that Friday with him.
My goals: To be PATIENT. To be able to detect when he's ultra stressed, and to not make it worse by being selfish. To get up and make him lunch and coffee every day so he has the fuel to last those 9 hours. To be a spiritual supporter (none of the rest will be possible without this one). To keep our house clean.
The last one is one I really struggle with. Which I always like to say "I'm clean, I hate messy houses, blah blah." But the way I've been living for the last 2 years...you wouldn't know it. Truth is: I'm exhausted after work! Simple as that. The last thing I want to do is the dishes, sweeping, dusting, putting away laundry, putting the mail away (So lame, right??). Fact is: It does bother me! It usually takes a couple weeks before I completely blow up about it...but it does happen. (I hold on to this very tightly...it means I really do like a clean house =D)
Zech loves a clean house. He cannot focus with messes around. This is going to be the area I try my hardest to succeed in, for him. It's going to be a rough semester, and if cleaning a house will make it easier: Why wouldn't I!
This long post is just to ramble about our lives, whats going on, and what you can pray for us about. Even though I know it will be hard, I'm actually really excited about what God has in store for us. Tha's really weird to say, but it's true! Through the harder times I grow closer to God and to my husband. It's a great thing =D
Thanks for reading!
Even now as an adult, this time of year has that New Start feeling. I almost feel like I should come up with a New Year Resolution! Ok...so maybe I kinda did!
Not on purpose of course, if I did it on purpose I'd never actually attain that goal. But my "year" goal, will only be until December.
My sweet, amazing, hard-working husband graduates this fall! I'm beyond excited. I'm not excited about the journey (yeah...lets all be honest here, sometimes we all would like to just skip right over the hard work). He just started a new 3-month job, where he'll be working in Stockton Monday and Wednesdays. He is taking over a full load at school and will be in Turlock every Tuesday and Thursday (from 8-5 ... in school). I'm just glad I do get that Friday with him.
My goals: To be PATIENT. To be able to detect when he's ultra stressed, and to not make it worse by being selfish. To get up and make him lunch and coffee every day so he has the fuel to last those 9 hours. To be a spiritual supporter (none of the rest will be possible without this one). To keep our house clean.
The last one is one I really struggle with. Which I always like to say "I'm clean, I hate messy houses, blah blah." But the way I've been living for the last 2 years...you wouldn't know it. Truth is: I'm exhausted after work! Simple as that. The last thing I want to do is the dishes, sweeping, dusting, putting away laundry, putting the mail away (So lame, right??). Fact is: It does bother me! It usually takes a couple weeks before I completely blow up about it...but it does happen. (I hold on to this very tightly...it means I really do like a clean house =D)
Zech loves a clean house. He cannot focus with messes around. This is going to be the area I try my hardest to succeed in, for him. It's going to be a rough semester, and if cleaning a house will make it easier: Why wouldn't I!
This long post is just to ramble about our lives, whats going on, and what you can pray for us about. Even though I know it will be hard, I'm actually really excited about what God has in store for us. Tha's really weird to say, but it's true! Through the harder times I grow closer to God and to my husband. It's a great thing =D
Thanks for reading!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Moving On Up!
I have 2 minutes to update you guys:
WE HAVE MOVED!
For 2 1/2 years I lived in my tiny little studio apartment. For 1 and 1/4 years my most amazing husband has shared this space with me!
Now...We are residents in Ripon!
For those who are in Kansas, it'd be like moving from Wichita to Valley Center (20 years ago when it was an awesome, small town where everyone went to church at least once a week, if not 3 times a week).
We are both way excited about it and have already settled in and added our "touch".
WE HAVE MOVED!
For 2 1/2 years I lived in my tiny little studio apartment. For 1 and 1/4 years my most amazing husband has shared this space with me!
Now...We are residents in Ripon!
For those who are in Kansas, it'd be like moving from Wichita to Valley Center (20 years ago when it was an awesome, small town where everyone went to church at least once a week, if not 3 times a week).
We are both way excited about it and have already settled in and added our "touch".
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