A New Phase

I am writing this knowing it may be months before anyone actually reads it.

July 2, 2012

For the past month or so I've really been feeling weighty, my heart has. All my marriage (the whole year and a half) has been "We'll start having kids about 2 years into it". Well, it's almost been 2 years! I have had thoughts of "We wont be able to start for another whole year!" I was very sad about this thought.

Many times I'd ask my husband, "Can we start a family now?" "Can we have a baby?". The answer was always no. Thankfully too, because I knew in my heart we just were not ready (Mainly because we lived in a one room apartment and we could barely fit in there ourselves, let alone a baby).

This last month I really felt the Lord weighing the idea on my heart. So I asked Zech to pray and think about if we could start planning for a family now. My thinking was that we didn't want a baby while Zech was in school or while we didn't have a place to live. Well we have a place to live and Zech graduates in 5 months.

Well on Saturday he asked me if I'd like to start a family. I was very...guarded at that moment. I didn't want to get my hopes up by what he meant, so I probed and prodded. He couldn't be serious. He was just thinking out loud. He didn't mean now, he meant in the next months to come.

I started to cry.

He was serious!

He prayed about it and knows that God will take care of us.

I'm about to start crying now!

The very night before, I laid in bed thinking "God, are we never going to have children? I always wanted to start having kids while I was fairly young. Can it be Your plan to let us have children? Sigh. I'm just so bummed. Please speak to Zech's heart and tell him which direction to go, because I do not trust my own thinking in this area". (impatient much, Amanda?)

God answered my prayer. I sometimes wonder why. I always think "negatively" and know that I am not worthy of getting anything I ever want. But God still gives it to me! Why? God is so amazing. All I have to offer in return is my life. I am going to give it all to Him. A very small token of "Thank You"

So stick around, hopefully this blog will be filled with my thoughts and experiences through this next phase of life.

Sometimes I think about people who have babies. I think "Well if they can do it, it must be fine and simple". I know that it's not. It's going to be hard. Everything about our current life is going to change. I do not adapt well to change, but I'm very very excited for this one.