What Do I Want To Teach My Children

Lately my  husband and I have been thinking and talking a lot about how we want our children to be raised. We've been discussing what we need to change now, so that we can teach our children through example.

As I've been thinking, I've noticed there is a LOT of stuff I want my children to know, a lot of virtues I want my children to have, a lot of bad stuff I want my children to stay away from. It's pretty overwhelming to think about!

So I thought that over the next couple weeks I'd keep a list of what I want my children to learn; what I want to instill into their hearts; what I want to show through example of my life style.

I have a tendency to mean well and have long term goals, but once the rubber hits the road, I'm so focused on just getting from point A to point B that I forget about that goal I had. I don't want that to transition into how I mother. I want every day to be a learning experience for my children. I don't want to miss an opportunity to show my children Christ's love, either through how I treat them, how I treat strangers, or how they see my husband and I treating each other.

I know I wont be the best mother in the entire world, but I just want to be the best mother God wants and is calling me to be. I want to be able to look at the list I make and refocus on what God has intended for my children to learn and how. I don't want to be buried with life's struggles, or even life's joys. I want to follow Christ in every step I take, every word I say, and I want my children to be behind me seeing Christ in everything.


Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Today We Found Out!

October 10, 2012

This morning, we found out that we are having a baby.

I actually kinda knew before this morning, but didn't because I "tricked" myself in not believing it.So Zech and I talked about it last night. So I said I'd take the test in the morning. I took it and it was positive! I hopped in the shower. I heard Zech come in and shut the door. He paused, then asked "What does two lines mean???" I simply said "Yes".

His response:  "Oh my gosh...I'm going to be a dad."

It was awesome lol I think he is more excited than I am. I think partially because I'm still in doubt. I still think that I'm going to resume normal life any minute now.

But...I gotta believe it someday, right?

I'm so excited that God has decided to bless us with pregnancy. Which leads to children and parenting! It'll be a wild ride, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

4 1/2 weeks down ;)

A New Phase

I am writing this knowing it may be months before anyone actually reads it.

July 2, 2012

For the past month or so I've really been feeling weighty, my heart has. All my marriage (the whole year and a half) has been "We'll start having kids about 2 years into it". Well, it's almost been 2 years! I have had thoughts of "We wont be able to start for another whole year!" I was very sad about this thought.

Many times I'd ask my husband, "Can we start a family now?" "Can we have a baby?". The answer was always no. Thankfully too, because I knew in my heart we just were not ready (Mainly because we lived in a one room apartment and we could barely fit in there ourselves, let alone a baby).

This last month I really felt the Lord weighing the idea on my heart. So I asked Zech to pray and think about if we could start planning for a family now. My thinking was that we didn't want a baby while Zech was in school or while we didn't have a place to live. Well we have a place to live and Zech graduates in 5 months.

Well on Saturday he asked me if I'd like to start a family. I was very...guarded at that moment. I didn't want to get my hopes up by what he meant, so I probed and prodded. He couldn't be serious. He was just thinking out loud. He didn't mean now, he meant in the next months to come.

I started to cry.

He was serious!

He prayed about it and knows that God will take care of us.

I'm about to start crying now!

The very night before, I laid in bed thinking "God, are we never going to have children? I always wanted to start having kids while I was fairly young. Can it be Your plan to let us have children? Sigh. I'm just so bummed. Please speak to Zech's heart and tell him which direction to go, because I do not trust my own thinking in this area". (impatient much, Amanda?)

God answered my prayer. I sometimes wonder why. I always think "negatively" and know that I am not worthy of getting anything I ever want. But God still gives it to me! Why? God is so amazing. All I have to offer in return is my life. I am going to give it all to Him. A very small token of "Thank You"

So stick around, hopefully this blog will be filled with my thoughts and experiences through this next phase of life.

Sometimes I think about people who have babies. I think "Well if they can do it, it must be fine and simple". I know that it's not. It's going to be hard. Everything about our current life is going to change. I do not adapt well to change, but I'm very very excited for this one.

Spoiled

I am spoiled. Ever since Zech and I got married, I basically saw him most of the day, every day, expect for a chunk of hours here and there.

This semester is anything but that.

I don't see him for 9 or 10 hours. I know this sounds really lame, and well LAME.

But today I just realized that I have been spoiled this whole time by his presence!

I've come to realize that he energizes me. Just his presence, and on the more bad days his hugs, rejuvinate me.

So, it's 4:30 and I'm physically exhausted from work and there is nothing to energize me! How crazy that love can do that for a person.

I feel like I'm going through something that I should have experienced the second week of our marriage! But God gave us our schedules for the last year and a half to work out to where we'd just always be around!

Let me tell you: I love my husband so much more than when I loved him 4 weeks ago. I didn't even know it was possible. Not seeing him throughout the day makes me long to see him all that much more. Not that I didn't want to before...it was just that he was in the other room so I just had to walk over! I know cherish the moments we have, and between you and me, one person isn't so enthralled with nagging and complaining....cough cough (me).

Well, there's my random rant for the day. I'll leave a few words of wisdom (or what I think is wisdom right now in my naivety)

Those who are single: find a guy that you miss every second of the day (but don't shut down and become incapable of living without him for those seconds! You'll become lame. Trust me.)

For those who are dating: Always make yourself loveable! The moments when you are not in a good mood or crabby, they will take away the good moments you can have with your man/gal.  You can never gain those back.

For those who are married: Shoot...I have nothing to say! I'm not a pro, I shouldn't be the one giving out advice to married people. Rather, it's like a share a knowledge with you. "Isn't love just amazing? Isn't the One who created this marriage stuff amazing?"

Two Years!

There are few dates through-out the year that I love to remember.

Today is one of them.

Two years ago, my most amazing husband asked me to marry him! It was one of the best days of my entire life.

It's been a pretty easy walk so far and I have absolutely nothing to complain about! My husband has only ever treated me like an angel, even when I'm acting like quite the opposite. He is patient, kind, honest, loving, fun, sexy, and much much much more.

So a little shout out to my hubby: Thanks. You have made my life wonderful. Beyond wonderful! I love you!

New "Year"

This time of year always seems like the start of the new "year". Ever since I was little. I blame it on my public schooling. Every August we started school, therefore everything changes! More-so than the regular New Year.

Even now as an adult, this time of year has that New Start feeling. I almost feel like I should come up with a New Year Resolution! Ok...so maybe I kinda did!

Not on purpose of course, if I did it on purpose I'd never actually attain that goal. But my "year" goal, will only be until December.

My sweet, amazing, hard-working husband graduates this fall! I'm beyond excited. I'm not excited about the journey (yeah...lets all be honest here, sometimes we all would like to just skip right over the hard work). He just started a new 3-month job, where he'll be working in Stockton Monday and Wednesdays. He is taking over a full load at school and will be in Turlock every Tuesday and Thursday (from 8-5 ... in school). I'm just glad I do get that Friday with him.

My goals: To be PATIENT. To be able to detect when he's ultra stressed, and to not make it worse by being selfish. To get up and make him lunch and coffee every day so he has the fuel to last those 9 hours. To be a spiritual supporter (none of the rest will be possible without this one). To keep our house clean.

The last one is one I really struggle with. Which I always like to say "I'm clean, I hate messy houses, blah blah." But the way I've been living for the last 2 years...you wouldn't know it. Truth is: I'm exhausted after work! Simple as that. The last thing I want to do is the dishes, sweeping, dusting, putting away laundry, putting the mail away (So lame, right??). Fact is: It does bother me! It usually takes a couple weeks before I completely blow up about it...but it does happen. (I hold on to this very tightly...it means I really do like a clean house =D)

Zech loves a clean house. He cannot focus with messes around. This is going to be the area I try my hardest to succeed in, for him. It's going to be a rough semester, and if cleaning a house will make it easier: Why wouldn't I!

This long post is just to ramble about our lives, whats going on, and what you can pray for us about. Even though I know it will be hard, I'm actually really excited about what God has in store for us. Tha's really weird to say, but it's true! Through the harder times I grow closer to God and to my husband. It's a great thing =D

 Thanks for reading!

Moving On Up!

I have 2 minutes to update you guys:

WE HAVE MOVED!

For 2 1/2 years I lived in my tiny little studio apartment. For 1 and 1/4 years my most amazing husband has shared this space with me!

Now...We are residents in Ripon!

For those who are in Kansas, it'd be like moving from Wichita to Valley Center (20 years ago when it was an awesome, small town where everyone went to church at least once a week, if not 3 times a week).

We are both way excited about it and have already settled in and added our "touch".

Mini Update

Hey World!

How's it going? It's been awhile.

Update?

Oh well, I've been good. Today is a great day.

Zech is an amazing fly killer. Today there was a FAT fly in the office and it was annoying me a LOT. So it flew into an office and I told Zech he couldn't come out until it was dead. So the door shuts and I hear "It's just you and me now, Fly". After a couple sighs of being so close, but missing, I hear *WHAPP* "HAHA! GOTCHA! OWNED!"  It was great.

My husband also got his computer parts in today. I don't think I've seen him this excited since the day he proposed. Seriously. It's the cutest thing in the entire world!

Tonight is our last night of "Normal" Awana (there are two more nights, but one is Derby Racing and the other is Awards, so they don't count). I'm kinda sad. I've had mixed feelings about Awana this year. When I'm not doing it I'm like "Blah" about it. But when I am there, I'm like "THIS IS SO AWESOME! I can make a difference in these girls' lives!!!" It's complicated =D

Another update: We are moving to RIPON! I'm so excited. I cannot stop thinking about it. The Lord has given us a home =D things are falling together so smoothly. We should be in in May sometime. I packed my first box last night.

I'm legitimately scared for my belongings. They seem so much more fragile when they are only protected by newspaper (or magazine papers in my case) and stacked on top of other breakables. Not to mention the actual moving part: where the box will be MOVED from one place, to a vehicle, to another place. EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

But- I just gotta let it go. Calm down. They are only POSSESSIONS. I'm so materialistic. I think if one of the items in my first box breaks: I will in fact cry. Seriously.

Oh Lord, help me to focus on you and not things. You have blessed me with those things, but they are not mine. I am merely borrowing them.

We are going to be visiting Kansas in June. I'm way excited. We are going to be gone for 7 days total. But the first half will be in Wichita/Valley Center. The other half me and my hubby will be taking a vacation. Just me and him in Kansas City. Way excited. We totally need the breather. Especially considering next fall is probably going to be even more busy and stressful as this one has been. But a mini recharge we shall have!

Thanks for sticking around and hearing my ramblings! Have a wonderful month of April!!!

Lesson Learned

What Lesson is learned? Pontiac's catch fire, Saturn's save lives.

Yesterday my second car was totaled. My first car, my Pontiac caught fire about 2 years ago and that was totaled. I'm seeing a pattern....I don't like it much.

Here's what happened.

If you are familiar with Modesto, this will make more sense, if you aren't, I will be specific.

So I was on my way to Ripon to join Zechariah at his football game. It was 9 am, so still pretty early for a Saturday. I was going about 45 mph down Keirnan. Rigth past Sisk (going west, towards the highway) there is a Kiernan court. It merges with Keirnan Avenue. Keirnan is a divided street, 2 lanes for each direction. Keirnan court merges going west, but there is a stop sign where they must STOP first, Keirnan is a pretty busy street sometimes. So I had just passed Sisk road and there was a van on Keirnan court going about the same speed, maybe faster but I've never been very good at judging speeds. She was going way too fast to be able to stop.

I was in the lane closest to her, seeing that she wasn't going to stop and was headed towards me, I swerved to the lane over. I was going too fast too be able to stop and didn't think to speed up. She hit me from the side (passenger, thank the Lord!). From there all I saw was white stuff and glass flying everywhere. Once I stopped there was a guy pulled over yelling for people to stop her, "It's her fault! She's under the influence!" That made sense....because before she hit me, I looked at her and there was nothing on her face recognizing that she was not driving safely.

Everyone who was there was so kind! I honestly didn't think there were that many nice people in Modesto, not like that. Sure they'd "care" from the side of the street, but these people were nice. Making sure I was ok, one gave me some gloves so I could climb out of the car without getting more cuts on my hands. One guy shook my coat out. Two Lowe's workers came and called 911 and let me borrow their phone because I couldn't find mine.

This is what my car looked like:

I was in the ambulance at this time. See the medium next to my car? I was on the other side of that, going the opposite way. See how low my car is to the ground? Thats not an easy curb (two in this case) to jump. Apparently I was in the air and nearly flipped over.You can't see if from here, but in the passenger door there is a huge heavy metal bar in the middle of the door going horizontally. If anyone was in the passenger seat, they wouldn't have died, but would have been seriously injured, but if that bar wasn't there, I probably would have been more hurt. Or rather...hurt. I got out with one bruise,  4 little cuts on my hands and another on my face. Thats not hurt.

Back to the "story". They caught the girl that ran from the scene. She made it all the way across the street. (not that far lol). Apparently she was "H&S". Which, I looked up, stands for "Health and Safety". AKA: Illegal Narcotics.

So anyways, rewinding and going to the beginning. I was shaking, and my leg kinda hurt, like I slammed it against of the inside of my car. Once I got out of the car I told someone I needed to find my phone so I can get a hold of my husband. I couldn't find it so I borrowed a phone. Unfortunately I only knew my husbands phone number. And when he plays football, he keeps his phone in his car. So I tried anyways. He didn't answer. Then a guy came up to me and said he was a fireman. He was off duty. He had me sit down. He asked me if I was ok and checked out my neck and back making sure it was straight and stuff. He said that when the EMT's got here they would put me on a gurney and ask if they could take me to the hospital. He said that I should go with him, I just shook my head. Once they did get there, they asked the same questions. The girl asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I told her that I felt ok but if they thought I should go, I would go. It was no time for me to be stubborn, though I am never stubborn (.......). She lead me to the ambulance to check my vitals.

I told them that I needed to find my phone because I needed to tell my husband. They said they'd look for it. a few minutes later they brought me my phone. I called Matt. He didn't answer. As I was trying to type in Angel's name, she called me back. I kept it pretty simple, didn't want to give too much away, because I didn't want to freak anyone out. I just told her that I needed her to do me a favor and go get Zech because I was in an accident. She was instantly in business mode, and man I love her for that! She asked what she needed to do. I told her to just get Zech. She told me to not let anyone leave and stay there. I let her know that wouldn't be a problem (considering everyone was already there, except for my family lol). Matt calls me a little bit later and asks if I'm ok. I said I was fine. I told him where I was. He got there first. He's not as good at hiding emotion on his face. Sure he was calm on the outside, but his face showed that he was scared. Zech called me right after Matt got there. I told him I was fine and also where I was. He got there right when I was hopping out of the ambulance. He looked scared too =/.

I got all the info from the CHP officer about what to do with the insurance and gave my statement. This is where I am like my dad, a lot. In time of crisis, do what you need to do, natural instinct kicks in, get it finished. I was detailed and said as many details as I remembered. Then it was over. The tow truck was already there, Matt got all of my stuff out of my car, the lady was taken away already. Then I let my "hold it together mode" down and just cried. I can't believe I was just in an ACCIDENT! It's always just a thing you think about. Driving down the street, thinking "Hmm, what if someone just ran this light and hit me?" It's always a scary thought and I never knew what I would do. I still don't know what I would have done if all those people didn't help me out.

On our way to the cars I told them what happened. I don't think I've ever appreciated my new family as much as I did that moment. They came for me when I needed. I have no words for my gratitude.

Another question people have asked me: She had insurance (as far as i could tell from the EMT's chatting) so I wont need to worry about it. I'm going to try to go to the doctor tomorrow, because I am SOREEEE. Who knew something like this could be so painful the next day! The inside of my throat hurts, I must have been REALLY tense!

All in All: God was definitely protecting me. It's so easy to say "You don't know how long you have", not so easy to live that way, because when those moments come....it is still shocking and kinda...puts you in your place. Makes you enjoy every second with people you love. Makes you stop and think "If I died right this moment, would I be able to say to God that I was living my life for Him?"

Giving my statement and looking at the weird thing on my finger...

Once upon a time, there was a passenger seat right there. It was completely folded in.

 This is the lady getting in the police car. I would like to ask that you pray for her. To be that 'gone' that early in the morning...well it makes you think about what kind of life she lived. It makes me wonder what she was doing 10 mins before the accident. Where she came from, there are no houses. Just a couple business and a church. Its not a through street. I wonder if she has good people in her life, Christians. I really wish I had gone and told her that I was upset with her and that I would be praying for her and the next couple days she'd be facing.

 

My car from the other side and her van. By my wheel in the medium is my sunroof. it simple popped out. Didn't shatter down in the car, the tire is the first thing I saw when the dust settled. No window, makes it easy to climb out of. good thing I'm small =D

November 23, 1987

Today, 24 years ago, something amazing happened! My husband was born! Oh of course, he was not my husband then (chuckles). But he is now and how thankful I am for that!

Psalm 139

 ¹ You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
   Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
   and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
   the night will shine like the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you. 

One of my favorite Psalms. Each verse has so much...depth! And meaning. It just...ahh! I can't even put it into words! God is so AMAZING!

Happy Birthday Zechariah! I'm very happy that God put us together and even more excited about what will come about in the next years, or even days! I love you!